relief, catharsis, vitality

...interlude...

for knowing so clearly what i think will raise the quality of my life, i am terrible at getting what i want. felt like i was getting somewhere for a while there, but then my momentum petered out. still going, but slowly. which might as well be not-at-all, 'cause life seems like it's going to be short. i don't generally regret things because i don't generally have any cause to regret them. but if my present were my past, i think i'd regret it right now. yet i feel attached to this situation, to "my life." not sentimentally attached, but tied down. i don't want to be a "product" of my life. i don't want to do the same things over and over and i don't want to just react. i think this is what disillusioned middle-age must be like. wanting other things in life, yet feeling resigned to your current family, job, friends, lifestyle -- things that pull from you your energy to create and leave you feeling tired and reluctant about life.

i've read it in writing and even in song lyrics the idea that a person is an artist and a work of art. you are your medium. make of it what you will. when i think about things this way i feel like i get why some people dress differently, absurdly, or wear ridiculous make-up or get tattoos and piercings or walk with character or do those creative things that no one appreciates in the same way that they themselves do. they are artists. and they are performance art. i don't think everyone is an artist.

someone recently told me about a theory of aesthetics which claims that art is necessarily "framed," if not by the dimensions of a page or a gilded rectangle, then by the dimensions of human perception.

when the sun descends beyond the horizon in a captivating sunset, it's the ephemeral nature of the moment that makes it art for many people. art can be framed in space or, as in this case, time. sometimes a piece's spatial or temporal framing has everything to do with everything. the dimensions of the frame don't have to be rigid and are often, in fact, blurred or faded or uncertain. art prevails nonetheless. haha.

forget about it

I'm boycotting dwelling.

2 0 0 8

>>Things that were significant to me in 2008:

Some things are significant because they remind me of other things.

Things I did

started a blog
CTY
lost my voice as a teacher
learned how to play songs on the piano
hiking / rafting
ice skating
energy drinks
kissed, hugged, and danced with a dolphin in the Bahamas
new years in WVA

Ideas

Modernism
Existentialism
civilized machine / people as cogs, "fitting in," and measured by the social function they serve
Nihilism
psychoanalysis
social acceptance / seeking to please
Evolution
teleology/deontology
deconstruction
Continental /Analytic Philosophy
my identity
fear and motivation
aggression

Books

Watchmen - Alan Moore
Emotional Intelligence - Daniel Goleman
Irrational Man - William Barrett
What is an Emotion? - William James

Writers / People

Henry James
William Carlos Williams
Friedrich Nietzsche
Marilyn Manson

Film and Television

Juno
Cloverfield
Lost in Translation
Mad Men
The Sopranos
The Bucket List

Games

Hearts
Rock Band

Music

Bands
Tryad
Panic! at the Disco
Nine Inch Nails
Stabbing Westward
Avril Lavigne
Poe
Marilyn Manson
Depeche Mode

Songs
You Oughta Know - Alanis Morissette
Hello* - Poe
The Perfect Drug - Nine Inch Nails
Enjoy the Silence (and the reinterpretation) - Depeche Mode
Little Bird - Annie Lennox
The Beginning is the End is the Beginning** - Smashing Pumpkins
The Take Over, The Breaks Over - Fall Out Boy
Like New*** - Deerhunter
Reflection - Tool
Xerces - Deftones
Coma White - Marilyn Manson
Great Big White World - Marilyn Manson
Running Wild**** (Extended Instrumental) - Tindersticks
Beauty Never Fades - Junkie XL feat. Saffron
Succexy - Metric
Dead Disco - Metric
Another Way to Die***** - Jack White & Alicia Keys

*from the end credits of Stir of Echoes
**from the 2008 preview trailer to the 2009 movie Watchmen
***from a compilation album promoting the NIN "Lights in the Sky Tour" and supporting bands
****from the credits of the penultimate episode of The Sopranos, "Blue Comet"
[only place I have ever been able to find it: http://hypem.com/track/315949]
*****from the title sequence to Quantum of Solace

unexpected

I met someone the other day who made me look at the world in a different way. We shared an understanding about things. She didn't say or do anything revolutionary, she simply inspired me to want to want more in life. It was completely unexpected. And now I don't know if I'll ever see her again. I knew her for such a short period of time and it feels like a great loss not to be able to see her. I can't get over it.