the expectations of others

a lot of the time I feel this great pull to care about the same things that other people care about. other people seem to expect it and want it from me. i was pretty unhappy for a while because i didn't want to fake anything and yet i felt compelled to meet the expectations of others. now i'm more and more accepting the consequences (whatever those may be) of being more genuinely *me*. a lot of times this has the affect of making me feel at odds with other people in general, but now i have a greater appreciation for people who are engaged in this struggle to be genuinely themselves.

in the process of redefining my values, it has been most difficult to figure out how i want to live. for a long time the only options i thought i had were the options people told me i had -- and they seemed abundant enough when i was younger. but now i reject the idea that other people have any say in what *my* options are. now i'm searching for a way to retain some kind of integrity of the self and at the same time afford the costs of society.